A TOTALLY REAL COLUMN TOTALLY WRITTEN BY MILEY CYRUS. *TOTALLY…
Hay ya’ll! It’s me! Miley!
There’s been a lot of chatter about my recent MTV VMA’s appearance, and I wanted to set the record straight, so heeere weeee go!
OK, so, my VMA outfits really drew some attention from the press, but here’s the thing: They weren’t even that revealing, ya’ll! I even saw some shapshots of my face that evening, and it’s like, “My breasts are down here!” (Hahahaha! I’m so random!)
The cruel fact remains that you could only see inside one of my holes all night (That’s my mouth, ya’ll!), thanks to the censors (and First Amendment deniers) at MTV. And because you could only see inside a single orifice all night, that means the appearance is a new low for me and my career. So I had to make up for it.
I recently got together with Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips to let my freak flag fly, ya’ll! Some are calling the album self-indulgent and they’d be RIGHT! Like, let Miley do Miley!
Yeah, it’s trippy. Yeah, it’s weird. Yeah, I recorded it on a drug cocktail I couldn’t replicate again if I tried. But just let Miley do Miley, ya’ll. I feel like I need to strap some Yosemite Sam mud flaps to my butt because people just need to BACK OFF! (Note to self: Text costume designer.)
Now all-a-you skunks clear out of here!
*OK, fine. Not totally.