Thanksgiving is the perfect time for families to come together and celebrate their blessings with a carb-loaded meal and a full day of shopping. It should be easy, but with a number of uncomfortable topics on the table – politics, relationships, that tattoo you got in Mexico last summer – you might find you’re tolerating the fam more than talking to them this season. Tackle your family head-on with these holiday survival suggestions.
11. ALL EARS
Invest in a pair of earplugs to block out annoying dinner conversations. You can stop by your neighborhood Target or head straight to Home Depot if you’ve got a loud-mouthed uncle and need something a little more industrial-sized.
10. TV TRICKS
If you’re stationed in a prime TV-watching position, just grab the remote and turn on some CNN or Fox News. No grandparent can resist the urge to spout off about their political views, guaranteeing you at least a 30-minute nap.
9. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA
Get your cousins involved and start a drinking game. When the turkey is burnt, take a shot. When your aunt asks if you have a girlfriend – again – take a shot. Be careful how far you take it, though — you’ll want to be conscious for that pumpkin pie.
8. EAT TILL YOU CAN’T NO MO’
How can you set the table, stuff the turkey or entertain your nephew if you’re still eating? Try the nonstop food funneling technique to avoid chores, unpleasant conversations and healthy coping mechanisms.
7. SHAKE IT OFF
Avoid questions about your grades, dating life and future career by putting all the attention on your siblings. Did your sis drop a bikini photo last spring break? What about your big bro changing his major for the fifth time? Don’t be afraid to pull out the receipts this holiday season.
Rule out all possible conversations by telling family members you’re taking a vow of silence for political reasons. While you can easily dodge your grandpa’s conversations about the stock market, you’re going to have to find a way to ask him to pass the peas on your own.
Consider charging your family a flat general admission fee for attending your Thanksgiving. A dollar or ten from every family member and you’re covered for at least half a semester’s worth of Chipotle.
4. SAY YOU’RE GOING TO GO GET ICE
…And just don’t come back.
3. ADOPT A CHILD
For some reason, adults love babies. Snag a toddler or newborn and your family is sure to spend the night playing with the infant and not with your emotions – for once. Peek-a-boo, anyone?
2. NINE TO FIVE
If you’re lucky enough to work at a movie theater, fast food restaurant or grocery store, chances are there are Thanksgiving shifts that need filling. Volunteer to go in and make some extra money during would-be family dining hours. Nothing says the holidays like capitalism!
1. FAST FORWARD
Just deny Thanksgiving altogether and skip right to Christmas. Cue up “All I Want for Christmas Is You” in three…two…one.