Let’s be real, the perfect Valentine’s Day only happens in the movies, but that doesn’t mean that all Valentine’s Days have to be horrible. After reading some of these, you’ll definitely be grateful for your plans to stay home along, watch a Nicholas Sparks’ movie and go to bed early.
‘CAN’T BUY ME LOVE’
Some flowers, maybe a few chocolates … exchanging presents can’t be all that bad, can it? Oh, apparently it can.
“I was ready for my four-year relationship with what had started as my college boyfriend to come to an end, but I was looking to avoid ending it over a memorable time like Valentine’s Day or his March birthday. He made this especially difficult when he handed me a pink T-shirt with a pink rhinestone anchor encrusted on it that he had bought at a store next to where he happened to have had lunch that day. It was nothing I would even consider wearing and it made the well-thought out gift I’d given him a glaring sign that our lives were heading different directions. I told him to return it and get his money back. I suppose, in the end, he did me a favor by giving me more justification in why he wasn’t a good fit for me!” –Female, 31
“My ex-girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks before Valentine’s Day. I guess that isn’t so bad, but she did mention in the fight following the break-up that the timing worked out because she was nervous to see what I would buy her for Valentine’s Day. I guess I wasn’t very good at picking out presents?” –Male, 22
“My boyfriend of several years got me a Pedi-Egg for Valentine’s Day. Yes, that thing that you pick up from Walgreen’s that shaves the dead skin off your feet. I don’t know if he was trying to send a message or just ran out of ideas.” –Female, 28
“In my senior year of high school, I was talking to this guy and he gave me a card and a Cold Stone Creamery gift card. I went a few days later to get the ice cream and when they charged the gift card, they said, ‘Your balance is $4.75.’ I was like, ‘Oh, what do you mean by my balance?’ The card said it had $15 and then the cashier told me there was only 2 cents on the gift card. And I hadn’t brought my wallet with me.” –Female, 19
“My high school boyfriend sweetly made me a mixed CD for Valentine’s Day. I listened to it constantly and was actually surprised that he put that much thought into a gift. He then proceeded to break up with me via text a week later. I listened to the CD again and realized all of the songs were about breakups. Yep, he made me a breakup playlist. I didn’t see that one coming.” –Female, 25
“In second grade I asked my mom if we could buy one of those big chocolate bars for this boy I liked in my class. The next day we handed out all of our Valentine’s and I gave the chocolate bar to my crush. Two minutes later I saw him give it to another girl. I came home and told my mom I hated boys and never wanted a boyfriend. It turns out that I’m a lesbian so that kind of worked out.” – Female, 18
‘ALL BY MYSELF’
No one wants to be alone on Valentine’s Day, but it kind of sounds like these people were better off than with the losers that dumped them.
“Last year, I was talking to this girl—the girl I’m actually with now—but I took her out on a date. Everything went almost too perfect. But, then, that same night, she called me, on Valentine’s Day, [and]told me she was leaving me to get back with her ex. I wasted so much time, and spent probably $300 that night on her. But, I suppose it all worked out. We’re together and happy now. I suppose that’s all that matters.” –Male, 18
“I had been talking to a boy on and off for a while my senior year in high school. We had just hung out the week before and things seemed to be going well this time around. Just a few days before Valentine’s Day, I get a text from him saying that he just wanted to be friends with me.” –Female, 20
“One year I drove three hours, round trip, to my high school basketball game so that my best friend at the time could watch her boyfriend play. Sure, having school spirit is great and all, but no one wants to drive that long for someone else’s boyfriend.” –Female, 19
“When I was in high school, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day. But it was one of those things where I was waiting for him to break up with me so I was happy about it.” –Female, 35
“The one guy who I ever had a remotely serious thing with wrote me a letter. My birthday is the same week as Valentine’s Day so he [included them both]. It told me that he thought we should break things off.” –Female, 21
“I was a hostess and I always volunteered to work on Valentine’s Day because I was the only hostess without a boyfriend. We had all these reservations and someone called like an hour before their reservation and had to cancel because their fiancée broke up with them.” –Female, 21
“I was working as a waiter on Valentine’s Day. As I was bringing this couple their complimentary piece of chocolate cake I noticed the guy’s girlfriend wasn’t in her chair. Turns out she had been seeing someone else and decided to tell him during dinner. I gave him the whole cake for free and he sat alone for an hour and ate the entire thing.” — Male, 21
“For Valentine’s Day I went on a date with this girl who I had been crushing on for a while, so you could say I was kind of excited. She wanted to go bowling. I hate bowling but she was super cute so went for it. Then we went to one of her friend’s parties and she literally left the party with another guy about halfway through. She left me alone at a party where I didn’t know a single person. I Ubered back home and watched an entire season of ‘Game of Thrones,’ so the night wasn’t totally ruined.” — Male, 20
Justin Bieber’s latest jam is perfectly fitting for these poor souls. They’ll move on and are definitely better sleeping on their own. Also, we guarantee their mamas never liked these duds.
“I found out on Valentine’s Day that the guy I had been dating for four months was also dating someone else. It became suspicious when he was making up excuses to not hang out on Valentine’s Day. He did send a ‘Happy MALentine’s Day’ text as a pun on my name, Mallory. I’m assuming he sent the same ‘Happy VALentine’s Day’ text to the other girl whose name rhymes with mine and happens to be more fitting for the holiday.” –Female, 26
“In third grade, I had a huge crush on this guy so I put a note in his desk. Just like ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ My best friend was his desk partner, so she asked, ‘Will you do it?’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, sure.’ Everyone told me I had to kiss him so I panicked and didn’t talk to him all day … or possibly ever again.” –Female, 18
“I had been seeing this guy for a few weeks when he asked me to go out on Valentine’s Day. It seemed to be heading in the right direction so I was excited about my first ‘romantic’ Valentine’s Day. He took me to a semi-nice place, which we surprisingly got into without a reservation. He tells me that he wants this to be special so to order anything I want. We both ended up getting steaks. As we’re finishing up, he turns to me and goes, ‘You ready to go?’ I was confused because I hadn’t seen him pay but I thought maybe he had been stealthy and had paid when he had gotten up to go to the restroom so I wouldn’t have to see the price or something. We get outside and he goes, ‘Whew! I thought that manager would catch on to us leaving!’ Yep. I had unintentionally dined-and-dashed. That was the last time I saw him.” –Female, 20
“I met Kraig, who I thought was my soulmate, via the web. There was something about him that intrigued me. When I met him, I didn’t think he was interested in me, but the following day, he pursued me pretty aggressively. We spoke every day, would go out at least three nights a week. I met his son, who he said was from an ex-girlfriend, and his parents. It seemed too good to be true— and it was. On Valentine’s Day, he came over to my house in the middle of the day and he was wearing a wedding ring. Flustered, I asked him about it and he said that he wore it to keep the chicks away. (He worked as a bouncer.) Still suspicious, I went to the county courthouse and did a search for a possible wedding certificate. Lo and behold, it was there. He had been married for several years. I immediately called him and asked why he didn’t tell me he was married. He said he wasn’t—so I read off his wife’s name, the preacher’s name, the church in which they were married and the witnesses’ names. He hung up on me. Still, after giving it a rest for about a year, he started pursuing me again, so I repeatedly hung up on him. He even traveled from Michigan to Arizona to find me. Thank God I wasn’t home.” –Female, 46
“Last Valentine’s I decided to go to Tinder to find a date. I thought it was love at first swipe. Turns out, Jake wasn’t the dreamy-eyed blonde I saw on my phone. He was the guy standing next to him in the picture, and that guy asked me to pay for dinner because he just got fired from his job.” — Female, 23
“I started dating this guy and for Valentine’s Day he decided to make me dinner at his apartment for Valentine’s Day. He kicked me out of the kitchen and spent hours cooking. We sat down to eat and my mouth started to feel funny. When I asked him what was in the food he told me there were crushed peanuts in the soup. I’m allergic to peanuts. We spent our Valentine’s Day in the emergency room. It turned out to be quite the bonding experience so we’re still together but he’s too scared to cook for me now.” —Female, 19