*Totally Real* Horoscopes October 2018


(January 20-February 18)
Organization is a challenge for you, Aquarius, and while you feel like you’re off to a good start, you need to be honest with yourself — are you really going to use that planner and highlighting set you spent $20 on in a month? Lying will only hurt you.

(February 19-March 20)
You sit on the cusp of a new romance and now’s the time to commit and boldly make the first move to seal the deal: Post a selfie on Instagram and stay up all night waiting to see if they like it.

(March 21-April 21)
With communication issues plaguing a current relationship, it’s time to heed the words wise young philosopher Vanilla Ice once said: “Stop, collaborate and listen.”

(April 22-May 20)
You’re the author of the book of your own life… which means you’re also the distributor, manufacturer, printer, marketing agency, public relations rep and attorney. Maybe you should’ve majored in business after all….

(May 21-June 21)
You’ve been feeling down lately, but don’t worry, Gemini, your day in the sun is coming soon. Of course the Arizona sun is sweltering, so you’re probably going to sweat a lot.

(June 22-July 22)
With a lot on the line this month, it’s best to steer clear of your usual temptations — not to be confused with the band, The Temptations. In fact, we recommend you listen to “My Girl” on a daily basis.

(July 23-August 22)
While the middle of October might be a bit premature to go all out for Christmas, remember the important lesson Justin Bieber’s Christmas album taught you: It’s never to early to decorate for winter!

(August 23- September 22)
Murphy’s Law states that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong and by this logic, you have the perfect justification to skip class and get Dutch Bros. instead.

(September 23-October 22)
You work hard and rightfully never miss the opportunity to treat yourself; however, be cautious, as too many treats may equal a trick and you’re too old to be trick-or-treating.

(October 23-November 21)
With bugs in your friend group, now’s the perfect time to remember that while your vibe attracts your tribe, eating in your bed attracts the ants.

(November 22-December 21)
We see financial success in your future but unfortunately can’t elaborate on whether that means you’re going to get a raise… or just that your card won’t get declined trying to buy a 69-cent donut — again.

(December 22-January 19)
While your “I-just-woke-up-and-didn’t-have-time-to-shower” look was okay the first few weeks of class, it might be time to step your style up. At the very minimum — have you tried matching your Bitmoji?


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