(January 20-February 18)
Finals are coming and you need to start studying. But first, it’s time to do every household chore imaginable to avoid cracking a book open. You know what they say: No motivation like procrastination!
(February 19-March 20)
Take the time to make some new friends: the girl who works at the coffee shop every Monday, your pizza delivery person, the boy who always gets an A in chemistry. It’s great to make new connections and if you can squeeze in a study session with free coffee and pizza in the process? Even better.
(March 21-April 21)
This is your month to kick some butt and take some names. No matter what the goal, you’ve got it in the bag, even if it’s just to start dressing as good as your Bitmoji. They have great flair!
(April 22-May 20)
Focus on removing bad energy from your life this week, especially as you move out of the dorms. Buy a scented candle and really find your zen. You’ll feel clearer and your community assistants won’t notice your room smelled like old pizza all year.
(May 21-June 21)
You eat healthfully fairly regularly but between finals, moving and friends, you’re lacking the prep time and it’s time to get dirty. Feel no guilt as you devour that In-n-Out, Gemini; you earned it.
(June 22-July 22)
Summon your friends like The Avengers or just text them because you’ve got to spend a mountain-sized amount of M&G dollars on your dining hall account. Make it a “venti” at Starbucks and grab another plate at dinner; not a dollar is going to waste!
(July 23-August 22)
You’re feeling wanderlust and can’t wait for school to end to hit the road. Unfortunately, trips cost money and you can barely afford to drive to McDonald’s, but hey, that’s an adventure in itself!
(August 23- September 22)
Your friends are pumped for vacations and internships this summer break, but you’re a person of simple tastes; there’s only one thing you’re looking forward to: waking up after noon.
(September 23-October 22)
It keeps getting hotter and hotter and you’re at boiling point… literally. It’s 100 degrees in your apartment and you’re too stubborn to turn on the AC. When you find yourself drenched before your shower, it might be time to reevaluate your cheap electric bill plan.
(October 23-November 21)
Try something new this week, whether it’s getting a new hairstyle or trying an unknown restaurant. You have nothing to lose because even if it goes bad, you’ve got a million cute hats and a DiGiorno’s pizza in the freezer.
(November 22-December 21)
It’s time to catch up on adulting after an intense load of work for finals. Organize your finances, clean your room and go to Chili’s — not because it’s a necessity but because they have some really good deals!
(December 22-January 19)
You’ve been surprisingly frugal this past year so don’t be afraid to treat yourself with new summer threads. After all, your current summer wardrobe looks like it belongs in Mad Max: Fury Road and we can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not.