*Totally Real* Horoscopes for January/February 2019

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Aquarius

(January 20-February 18)

The temptation to call adulting too hard and drop out of school is always there but remember, you’re not only tired, but also broke. You could never bankroll the perfect escape…

Pisces

(February 19-March 20)

There’s nothing wrong with leaning on your friends every now and then but there’s a difference between a warning and a dead drop. Let them know you need them… unless you’ve got friends who work out?

Aries

(March 21-April 21)

Cupid has his eyes on you this season, Aries, and there’s only one thing we can say: Brace upon impact!

Taurus

(April 22-May 20)

You’ve been feeling a bit of wanderlust lately, itching to go off the grid but between school, family and friends, the most you can swing is to go off Snapchat Map grids. BUT DOESN’T THAT FEEL POWERFUL?!

Gemini

(May 21-June 21)

There’s a transitive energy in the stars for you, Gemini. It could mean spiritual transformation, movement in location or that it’s just a really good time for you to take the public bus — whatever that’s worth.

Cancer

(June 22-July 22)

As the days get longer, the excuse that you’re hibernating all winter gets weaker and weaker. Indulge in some wellness – or at least take the stairs – and you might be surprised by how much better you feel. (This horoscope was sponsored content by stairs.)

Leo

(July 23-August 22)

Take after Leo these next few weeks, Leo. Even though Leo is not a Leo, he’s still a good example for all Leos. We’re talking about Leonardo DiCaprio here, if we weren’t clear enough…

Virgo

(August 23- September 22)

It’s okay to recharge your batteries every now and then, Virgo, but at least limit yourself to one season per binge-watching session of The Office at a time. Your roommate misses you.

Libra

(September 23-October 22)

If you’re feeling like your New Year’s resolutions were a bit too ambitious, don’t be afraid to dial them down a few weeks in. Unless your resolution was to be more ambitious, then over-commit away!

Scorpio

(October 23-November 21)

Watch your back this month as the stars show a warning sign surrounding your further auras. Someone might be betraying you, Scorpio, or you might just look really good from behind.

Sagittarius

(November 22-December 21)

You’ve already made huge steps in addressing the change you want to see in the new year, so give yourself some time to breathe and further chart your next moves. You’d be surprised how good it feels to chart yourself up stairs. (This horoscope was also sponsored content by stairs.)

Capricorn

(December 22-January 19)

A romantic affair is in the cards for you and it’s between you and your bed. The temptation to ditch class might not be worth the consequences later this semester, but you’ve always been a sucker for a cuddly pillow.

Words by Carson Mlnarik.

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