*Totally Real* Horoscopes April 2018


(January 20-February 18)
A change of scenery can do wonders for the psyche. If you find yourself needing a refresh as finals week gets closer, try hitting the road for a weekend… or at least schedule yourself a Travel Channel documentary binge. It’s the thought that counts.

(February 19-March 20)
Spending frivolously has always been a weak point for you. Try eliminating unnecessary purchases – and stop opening the Amazon app while you’re on Mill Avenue at 2 a.m. – and you may be surprised how much you save.

(March 21-April 21)
Mercury will be in retrograde an extra few weeks, extending your sign’s prime time to shine and your opportunity to reach your full potential. We’re not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds like a good reason to skip class.

(April 22-May 20)
Relationships are a two-way street, Taurus, so you might want to reconsider a friendship if you’re the one doing all the walking – especially if your friend has a car. That’s just cruel.

(May 21-June 21)
Lately, you’ve been feeling full, upset and out of whack. Take time to validate your emotions and determine their cause; sometimes we all confuse our own feelings with those of an anti-acid commercial.

(June 22-July 22)
Your social life is in need of sprucing up and a change is in the stars. While making new friends can be awkward, you have to start somewhere. May we suggest a casual message on Facebook, or if you’re really shy, hit ‘em up first with that LinkedIn “connect.”

(July 23-August 22)
Don’t be afraid to wind down after a busy spring break and take time for yourself when you need it. You’re always the first one to say, “Turn down for what.” Well, this is your “what.”

(August 23- September 22)
It’s rare for someone to have you trippin’ but a budding relationship is in the works. Be careful before falling headfirst, however. It’s one thing to go down on your own accord – it’s another if someone else is stepping on your shoelaces. #deep

(September 23-October 22)
Call yourself Gnarls Barkley because you are head-over-heels “Crazy” for someone right now. Be cautious in giving your heart away, though – it seems love never lasts as long as a Grammy Award for Best Urban/Alternative Performance.

(October 23-November 21)
In the endless cycle of classes, work and stress, you feel like things are out of your control. Remember: You are the pilot of your own life… you just might need to radio in from the cockpit every now and again.

(November 22-December 21)
When you feel like you can’t stop making mistakes, remember you’re on the pursuit of happiness – everything that shines ain’t always gonna be gold. Are those the lyrics to a Kid Cudi song? Yes. Does that make them any less true? You be the judge.

(December 22-January 19)
A serious relationship at this age is like an ice cream cone on a hot summer’s day: fun when you get started, but things get messy quick. Good thing you’ve always been more of a cookie person.


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