 "Photo: College Times • Ryan A. Ruiz")
Dr. Lori C. Ebert sees a serious problem among young adults – a lot of them have no idea how to use a condom properly.
Ebert, a health educator who goes by the moniker Dr. Sex Talk, has dedicated her life to helping eliminate sexual death, disease and violence through education.
She says there are 10 common mistakes guys made with condoms: 1) Not leaving enough space at the tip; 2) Not using lubricants; 3) Putting them on incorrectly; 4) Buying the wrong size; 5)Using it too late; 6) Failing to check the expiration date or package integrity; 7) Removing it too early; 8) Reusing them; 9) Using teeth or nails to open the package; and 10) Squeezing the air out of the tip.
The Phoenix-based published author, speaker and sex expert recently spoke to College Times about the condom issue and sexual health in general.
College Times: Why did you create Dr. SexTalk?
Dr. Lori C. Ebert: I created Dr. SexTalk in 2008 and I really created that out of a vision of a world without sexual death, disease or violence. What I do is offer sex education through workshops, seminars, writing and really creating a space for people to have freedom and fun around their sexuality. My tagline is ‘Nothing is taboo.'
That seems like something that's really needed, especially for young people, with the way the media hyper-sexualizes everything.
Media represents sexuality in a whole unique way. They use it to sell something or get people to do something. And that's what girls learn: To sell their body to men, to give their bodies to men, when really, sexuality is about healing and being your authentic self and being in your most enlightened space.
Let's talk about some of the mistakes guys make with condoms.
People don't leave enough space at the tip. If you don't leave enough space, the condom can tear, it risks pregnancies, STDs or infections. Probably another one of the biggest ones: It's like a sock, and it can be put on the wrong way.
I wasn't aware of that.
It might be dark, and it's like unrolling a sock backwards, then you've got the outside against the penis and then there's more friction, which causes the breakage and tears. The thing you want to get is consistent and correct use and you want to avoid these common mistakes. I know that Fascinations carries the Sensis condom. It's actually brilliant, you basically unwrap the condom, and there are two little handles which you use to slide it right down – no mess, no frills, nothing.
What are some other big mistakes?
They don't use lubricants … People buy the wrong size; It should be tight around the penis … Using the condom too late or after sex has already started. Not checking the date of package integrity. The first thing you should do is read the package for the expiration date, see that it has air in it and no holes. Never carry a condom in your wallet or car, or where there's heat. If it's expired, you have to get new ones.
Is there anything you can do in the heat of the moment if you don't have a condom?
I recommend they do other sexual activities or that they abstain. For me, the students I teach, I educated people enough about STDs or scared them enough that most of them use condoms. … It's a lot easier to say no than wake up with herpes or HIV. It really is about feeling good about your own body and your own health; and that's why it's best to say, ‘Let's wait until we have protection.'
It seems like many people don't even talk about sex.
Most people don't talk about sex. And most people don't even know how to talk about it, no matter how close (two people) are. Some people aren't comfortable talking about it. It's probably the most vulnerable, scary thing in our lives. And yet that's where the meaningful sex comes from. It's when you connect with someone and talk to someone; that's what bonds people.
How do people change that?
The first thing is to empower them; empower themselves around their body and health … College kids tend to go with the flow. They need to empower themselves and then know who they are and what they bring to the table and then be selective. Don't settle for less than what you want. If you can't talk to someone about what your desires are, don't be with them physically. Anyone can do the physical act of sex, but how are you going to talk to them if you're pregnant or if you have an STD?
Learn more from Dr. Lori C. Ebert at www.drsextalk.com.
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