Battle of the Babes
Published: Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 17:07
The excellent lineup of summer 2012 movies is bringing a little more heat to Arizona.
“The Dark Knight Rises,” “The Amazing Spider-Man,” “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” and “Magic Mike” are making their way to theaters, jam-packed with action, adventure and total beefcakes.
The question that arises with these hunky male lead is: who is more attractive, the actor or his character? Let’s explore this question with some serious analyzation, shall we?
Batman vs. Christian Bale: From his car and clothes to his tragic upbringing, Batman is surrounded by darkness. He’s brooding and mysterious and is constantly saving Gotham City without any positive recognition (I believe he had police dogs chasing him down where we last left him). That is some serious heroic dedication. Christian Bale could also be summed up as mysterious and brooding ... and angry ... and scary. Remember his “Terminator” freak out?
Winner:Cooler heads prevail in this match, Batman is the clear winner.
Spiderman vs. Andrew Garfield: Spiderman, aka Peter Parker, is a bit of a sassy nerd outsider who becomes a superhero after a spider bite. He wears a tight suit well and uses his powers to protect his city and his woman. Garfield first caught my eye with his chiseled jaw and raw talent in “The Social Network.” From interviews and whatnot, I get the vibe that he’s intelligent and has a good sense of humor. Also, he grew up in England so he has an accent (double points).
Winner: A tough call, but I’m going with Garfield for the accent. Plus, I hate bugs.
Abraham Lincoln vs. Benjamin Walker: When I first heard about this movie, I only had two thoughts -- ‘What the heck?’ then, shortly after, ‘Awesome!’ Honest Abe kicking butt, taking names and slaying vampires? I’m into it. Walker, on the other hand ... um ... not going to lie, I have no idea who Walker is, but his IMDb picture is awkward.
Winner:Abraham, duh. Killing evil creatures on top of abolishing slavery? That rules.
Magic Mike vs. Channing Tatum: Magic Mike is a stripper with a heart of gold and a bod of solid, manscaped muscle. He’s a seasoned pro in the exotic dancing world and knows how to drive the ladies wild with his moves. Tatum is easy on the eyes but light on acting chops, in my opinion. However, he makes up for his onscreen awkwardness with his relationship track record (married and monogamous). And did I mention he’s a babe?
Winner: Tatum. How could you ever take a male stripper seriously? I imagine they’d always have greasy skin and pay for everything in ones.