Top 10 Things I Envy About Hipsters

I have been observing hipsters in their natural habitat for the past couple years. The group, a more progressive and happy form of an "emo kid" that is known for wearing tight pants and riding fixed-gear bikes, have migrated to the neighborhood I live in just off ASU's Tempe campus.

They're really beautiful in their own way. Careless in their demeanor, they come together in droves at indie rock shows. They only mate with other hipsters. I envy them in a way. I love their style and their music. Sadly, I don't have the guts to not wash my hair for two weeks.

Here are the top 10 things I envy about hipsters:

10. The skill of making fun of themselves while still giving off a superior vibe. A hipster undoubtedly thought up this site, called latfh.com, or "Look at this fucking hipster." Also see: www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.

9. The ability to forego physical attraction when looking for a mate. As I said before, hipsters only mate with other hipsters. Generally, looks aren't an issue. The only issue is which guy or girl wears the t-shirt with the more ironic saying.

8. Magic bike riding. Hipster guys (and some girls) ride a magical device to get around, known as a fixed-gear bicycle, or "fixie," as they're affectionately called in hipster circles. Fixies don't have brakes. They're stopped by "skidding" or sliding the bike to its side. It's not skill - it's magic. This power can only be harnessed by the most hipstery hipsters. The risk of crashing into other hipsters is exhilarating because doing so will create a hipster genie that will grant them three wishes. They will ask for Parliament cigarettes, a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and some cut-off denim shorts.

7. They make anything they wear look cool. And somehow stupid at the same time ...

6. They can hate everything and nothing at the same time. Hipsters pride themselves on being open minded. Unless you're not a hipster. Or don't like indie music. Or Thai food. Or Kurt Vonnegut. Or if you're not vegan.

5. They make uncool things cool again. Rubik's cube? Sure! Members Only jackets? Why not? Case and point, the term "hipster" itself, taken from the '40s term for a person who "adopted the lifestyle of the jazz musician, including some or all of the following: manner of dress, slang terminology, use of cannabis and other drugs, relaxed attitude, sarcastic humor, self-imposed poverty and relaxed sexual codes. Early hipsters were generally white youths adopting many of the ways of urban blacks of the time, but later hipsters often copied the early ones without knowing the origins of the culture," according to a Wikipedia entry.

4. Tight pants. Personally, I wear tight pants even though I'm not a hipster. But it's the hipster girl's ability to get her man to wear skin-tight girl pants that really impresses me. I've tried and failed.

3. They legitimately discover music before anyone else does. Hipsters like to brag about how they knew a band before they turned big and shitty. Sadly, they're usually right. Hipsters send their own music to college radio stations, which get played and turned out to the masses, which usually takes between six months and two years.

2. They have downplayed the role of personal hygiene in everyday life. Who has time to shower when you have to ride your fixie to Tucson's newest vegan restaurant?

1. They survive in Portland, Oregon, despite an 11.5 percent unemployment rate. I'm dying to move to the Northwest. Knowing that it is unlikely that I'll be able to get a job in this economic environment has held me back. Still, the hipsters flock loyally (or blindly) to that cloudy, free-range, organic city in the North to become janitors and carnival ride operators.