Life Lessons from GWAR front man Oderus Urungus
Published: Thursday, November 1, 2012
Updated: Thursday, November 8, 2012 10:11
There’s nothing we love more than a chatty evil space alien with killer armor and a wicked sense of humor. Oh, and did we mention that he’s an exceptionally brutal rock god? GWAR’s disgustingly metal front man Oderus Urungus was gracious enough to chat with College Times before his band spills blood at the Marquee Theatre. Urungus promises you’ll be able to open your window and smell them coming.
College Times: How’s the tour going so far?
Oderus Urungus: Well, I’d have to say, judging by the flaming ruins of the clubs, the piles of corpses, [and] the mutilated heads on sticks that now adorn our tour vehicle, I’d have to say pretty gosh darn good so far.
How is your new guitar player Pustulus Maximus fitting in?
He’s fitting in well. I mean, he’s absolutely disgusting to have around. [He’s] constantly dripping pus everywhere and complaining about his painful acne, but he’s a ripping guitar player and so far there hasn’t been any outcry against him. Not like anybody would dare to challenge or question anything we did anyways. We could never replace the Scumdog Warrior Flattus Maximus, but I think certainly Pustulaus has done more than [an] admirable job filling in for him. It looks like we made the right choice.
In your infinite and galactic wisdom, could you give some input on troubles that plague college students?
Well certainly! I can tell you about God, Satan but just don’t get into math too much. We decided we don’t have math in space because math is dumb. It’s brain work. I don’t need to do that. You humans need a lot of help so you can catch up to GWAR evolutionarily. I’m wide open! Let me have it! I can pretty much tell you anything. I’m not sure it’ll be true or not but I’ll give it a shot.
If someone doesn’t get along with their roommate, what should they do?
Kill them. Destroy the body and do a better job at destroying the evidence. Make sure they don’t have any large life insurance policies that you’ve taken out on them recently – that’s a dead giveaway. So I would say murder them, dump their body, minus the head and hands, into a vat of sulfuric acid, seal it, take it out in the desert, burry it about six feet down so dogs can’t smell it and the head and the hands I would say keep those for your personal collection.
For students who are shy, how can they get a date?
Well, first of all just remember you are King Shit of Diarrhea Mountain. Never show weakness, always show confidence. I don’t care how good-looking that creature is that you’re trying to have sex with or how many times your father beat you with a wet noodle and ensured you that you were indeed retarded. You must remember that confidence is sexiness. Even if she’s a bathing suit model and you’re a 400 pound, one-armed gimp. Goddamn it, you’re still the hottest thing in there so go in there and get it.
If someone is a long-distance relationship, do you have any pointers?
Don’t do them! College is the time to have fun, learn about stuff but also mostly get drunk and discover about the opposite sex. Clearly you’re going to learn a lot more that way than going to class. Long-distance relationships never work. If you’re going to be with someone you should be with them, goddamn it. You’re going to spend all your time sending emails back and forth and then it’s going to become lies and then both of you are going to be having sex with other people. And then you’ve got and entire relationship based on lies, which is bullshit. Unless you are truly, truly in love, don’t bullshit yourself. Just get over it.
Got any hangover remedies?
Oh, of course the best hang over cure is to start drinking again immediately. The best cure for having a hangover is never give the hangover a chance to develop. Stay drunk all the time. But if you fail to do that, I would say chop off your head or get someone else to do it. That will relieve the pain immediately.
Are their any quick and easy GWAR recipes you can share with us?
Well, I mean, all I can say is that you’re suppose to be starving when you’re in college. You’re supposed to eat shit when you’re in college. You’re supposed to go to the dining hall for the first year and then you realize that stuff is horrible and then all you eat is basically Oodles of Noodles and pad thai for three years. If you’re doing anything else other than that you are missing out on one of the most important aspects of your education and that is starvation.
[Are] there any other tidbits you have for college students?
Study hard and you shall do well. Never negotiate from a position of weakness. Confidence is sexy, I told you that already. Oh! Funny is sexy too. If you can make someone laugh there’s a good chance you’re gonna get in their pants. The last piece of advice I will give all you college kids out there is fucking graduate, okay? Either graduate or don’t or something, I don’t know, whatever it is just go see GWAR.
GWAR w/Devildriver, Cancer Bats, Legacy Of Disorder, The Marquee Theatre, November 2, 6 p.m., $24