Do you remember that pumpkin you bought at the beginning of the month? You wanted your dorm to feel like autumn and Target was having a sale. While you were studying for midterms, watching Hocus Pocus and waiting to see how early radio stations would start playing “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” your pumpkin watched – and turned into mush. We hope you’re happy.
Three words: I LOVE COLLEGE. Last night, I drank so much Svedka and Sprite that I puked my guts out, but my roommate was super cool about it. He threw some pepper and garlic powder on it and made a killer snack — this really is the No. 1 school for innovation.
Earlier I was feeling pretty cut up about my crooked teeth but now it’s Halloween night — my friends are out, I’m feeling hot and we are getting LIT.
No guts to puke but can we Postmates some Pedialyte? Or at least an iced PSL…
Halloween won’t be back for another year and I’m trying to pace myself, but I feel weaker by the day. It’s getting harder and harder to muster a spooky smile.
It’s been strangely quiet around here lately. I’ve been going out less. Everyone’s talking about this new girl, “Pie.” I don’t know her but she sounds crusty.
You get back from Thanksgiving break then two days later, it’s final exams. Let’s be real here: Why does this week of the semester even exist? P.S.: Peppermint tastes like toothpaste, pass it on.
Almost ended up in a trash can when someone tried to pick me up but my sides gave in and they gave up. Phew, that was close!
Oops, beginning to collect dust and fuse to this wooden table top. Hope you don’t mind!
The candy is heart-shaped and as my orange walls turn a rancid green and my rind begins to give, I can’t help but feel regret. If only I had invested stock in Apple, if only I tried to stop her before she got on that plane…
I hear two words: “Spring cleaning.” Is that a trash bag? I see a flash of light and suddenly it’s completely dark. Goodbye cruel world, at least there’s a can of Dr. Pepper here.