Top 10 Reasons Arizona Sucks

By: Caitlin Torres

Posted: 6/18/09

Arizona sucks for a lot of reasons. Here is a list of 10 of them:

10. It is basically Hell's sauna during the summer. If it were any hotter here, I think all living things would be banned from living here.

9. The people are angry from the heat. It is hard to tell the difference between a person who is hot and a person who is angry in this state because they are the same; red-faced and bitchy.

8. You must fear driving on the road. Arizona is a melting pot of people. You never know who you are going to be driving near. God forbid you end up behind anyone from Iowa; you will end up at your destination 30 minutes later than you planned. In case you don't get the Iowa joke, the a.k.a. for people from Iowa is "Idiots out Wandering Around." You will find me flipping these people off.

7. The water parks are dirty. If you plan to cool off during the summer, stick to your own pool or else you are probably swimming in someone else's feces.

6. If you live in Phoenix, the only way to see snow during the winter is by driving two hours north. Doesn't sound that bad, right? Well it is when you have never heard of black ice and you realize that Arizona windshield wipers are not built to wipe snow, it sucks.

5. There is nothing to do. If you are under 21 you are especially screwed since that eliminates the bars. Other than that there is Castles n Coasters, the movies and anything else that costs a ton of money. Woohoo.

4. What is up with the assholes that drive the giant trucks that pour out black smoke out of their exhaust pipe? Am I the only one who has witnessed this more than 10 times driving by Arrowhead Mall? We get it. You are a big bad boy who drives a big bad truck. Is it necessary to blind the person behind you with your piece of crap vehicle?

3. There are no beaches. Who wants to live in a state where the only large bodies of water are infested with brain-eating amoeba?

2. Does Arizona even have seasons? All I know is for about a split second it is cold and everyone is sporting their jackets with the fur hoods. Then I blink and we all have to walk around naked or else we will melt away.

1. It is hot as balls and there is nothing to do. I reiterate because that sums basically all of Arizona. If it is not hot in the city you live, you are probably up north in a little Podunk town where the only thing to do is stare at a squirrel that is the size of a cat.