College Times

Issue date: 4/2/09 Section: Blogs

Media Credit: Photos.com

You found someone who seems to be your soulmate and everything is perfect except for one thing, his friends are total douche bags.

I've been through this and it can be really hard. My ex-boyfriend's group of friends totally sucked.

They were mean, judgemental, and didn't like anyone who they didn't go to high school with. It took a huge toll on our relationship because I was around them nearly every day and I'm a very social person, but when they were around I would just get really quiet and depressed because if I was myself, they made fun of me!

It really caused me to resent him for not sticking up for me, and next thing I knew I didn't want to be around him either.

It can be hard to convey to your partner that you think their BFF is an a-hole.

They might not be as open to this idea as you are. You just have to decide how much of an issue it is for you. Is it affecting your relationship to where you don't want to be around his friends at all?

If so, then something does need to change.

You need your partner to understand that this is a big issue and he or she needs to help you make it better by either talking to the friends, hanging out with these people without you, and/or spending more time with people you both like.

I know this sounds harsh, because they say you should never choose a guy or girl over your friends. But, unfortunately, your best friend could be jealous of your new-found love, and if these friends are doing things that are mean spirited to him or her or your relationship in any way, then you cannot turn a blind eye.

If the lame friends are not that big of a deal in your relationship then you need to learn how to deal with them. While you might not think highly of them, watch what you say. If I ever criticize my boyfriend's stripper-loving best friend, my boyfriend gets mad at me. I don't mean any harm, but this is someone he's known his whole life, so he doesn't find my cracks funny.

And while I worry that any time he's out with this friend alone they're probably covered in dollar bills and glitter, I have to trust my boyfriend and deal with it.

The bottom line is that you can't control who they're friends with, and chances are that they have a history with those people that you'll never understand. So if you're serious about your partner, you need to accept each other's friends.

If accepting the friends is not an option, then something needs to change, and your partner needs to figure out if altering his or her group is worth being with you.

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