College Times

Issue date: 10/1/09 Section: Sex

Media Credit: photos.com

I started watching VH1 show "Tool Academy," very wary that it was going to be just another dumb "Charm School" type show; but I was surprised to learn that it's actually about relationships.

The premise is that these douchey guys think they're going on a show because they're so hot, and then are faced with the reality that not only are they not hot, but they're actually tools and their girlfriends put them on national television to tell them and present an ultimatum; either change, or else it's over.

The show has segments like therapy and team-building activities intended to put the tools' egos in check and realize whether they're serious about their girls and ready to treat them like they deserve to be treated.

I'd like to say that I was shocked to see that these girls were with such narcissistic guys who treat them like crap, but I'm not. And I'm not blaming guys here because they could certainly come up with a show featuring bad girlfriends. The truth is that for one reason or another both guys and girls date people who aren't good for them. Perhaps people belittle them and even cheat on them.

If you're in a situation like that, don't blame yourself, just realize what's going on and do something about it. If your friends are telling you that you deserve better, don't assume they're just hating - take a step back and look at it from the opposite perspective. Even if you don't believe your partner isn't bad for you, ask yourself "does he/she treat me badly? If so, why do I put up with it?" Part of being in a healthy relationship is checking in with yourself to realize what's really going on.

Ask yourself if this person is bringing more good or bad into your life, if they're bringing out the best or the worst in you and if you're getting back as much as you're putting in. If you're not, then you need to make a move.

It's common for people to stay in bad relationships for a while since change is scary and hurting someone you care for is really hard. But "Tool Academy" reminded me that there are so many couples out there like this. These tools with their flashy Kanye-like personas are mostly just insecure little boys trying to overcompensate. A lot of the time we're attracted to people like this because they're generally the center of attention.

But if you find yourself attracted to a person like this, remember that part of their personality is just for show and what they're lacking in self-esteem could easily be taken out on you.

And if you're the tool, whether you're a guy or girl, don't live in denial. If you're hurting someone, look into yourself and figure out why you're behaving like that. Life is too short to live a lie and to hurt the ones you care for.

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