College Times

Issue date: 8/6/09 Section: Music

Media Credit: Photos.com

Break-ups are tough, but being alone after a relationship can be even harder. The loneliness can make you forget about the problems you had in your relationship and make your ex look appealing again.

When this happens, you need to remind yourself of all the things that you didn't like about that person and why you broke up in the first place. One option is to make a list of all the negatives you felt when you were with that person and periodically look at it to remind yourself of the reality of how the relationship really was.

It's common to miss the good things that you two had, especially when you're feeling pain. Loneliness makes you forget about the problems. It encourages you to take the easy route by getting back together in hopes it'll make the heartbreaking pain subside.

The pain of breaking up can be extreme, and unlike anything you might have ever felt, but it does fade. I know you think contacting or seeing him or her will make it go away, and it might for the time being, but it will only prolong your break-up.

In a moment of weakness or drunkenness, you might slip and call or text your ex saying how much you love and miss him or her, and that's okay. Try not to beat up on yourself, just realize that there will be times that you miss the relationship, but if this person is not right for you, then you must move on.

But what do you do if you believe that your ex is the right one for you, but he or she broke it off? In that case, it's best to focus on yourself and living your life. You can't control what others think or feel, so you need to do your best to move on and make yourself happy. At the same time, let your ex know that you're still there and interested in working things out. That way your ex can take the time he or she needs to figure out things.

There's no need to try to convince your ex that you don't care if you do. Don't go out and try to make him or her jealous to get attention, those childish games will only backfire. If you still want to be with your ex, say something, and if you don't, say that. It's really hurtful and unfair not to be honest with someone whom you once cared for.

No one can say just how long the pain of breaking up will last, but you must be confident that it's right to endure these feelings as part of the necessary process of leaving someone who wasn't right for you.

You shouldn't settle or put up with less than you want. When you feel alone and depressed, remember that everything happens for a reason.

As long as you get yourself out there and live your life, you'll meet the person that's right for you.

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