College Times

Issue date: 9/10/09 Section: Sex

Media Credit: photos.com

Can guys and girls really be friends?

It's the age-old question and probably the topic of a fight or two that you've had with your significant other. Being a girl, I've had a lot of guy friends come and go from my life; some ended because it turns out that they did want more than a friendship, but others I can happily say are still true friends.

It will probably be hard for your partner to understand that your bestie is someone of the opposite sex, but it's not fair for them to take you away from people you love because of their insecurities. As long as the relationship is truly platonic, your partner should be able to sense that and be understanding of the friendship.

I realize that it's difficult not to be paranoid when you know that your girlfriend is telling her guy friend things that she's not telling you, but all you can do is remind yourself that her friendships are important no matter the gender and to try and be mature about the matter. Taking your partner away from people he or she cares about is controlling and unhealthy and will only result in resentment toward you in the end.

Emotional infidelity is when you confide in someone who is not your partner and although nothing sexual is taking place, this form of cheating can be more hurtful. Wondering why your boyfriend would rather talk to a girl about his problems over you is pretty hard to accept, but you mustn't take it personally.

I admit that a fault of mine is being na've, and a lot of times when fair-weather male acquaintances of mine meet my boyfriend he's quick to point out that those I assumed were "friends" were in fact totally hitting on me. A lot of the time he's right, so I give him the platform to explain his reasoning and then make my decision about the future of our friendship from there. Although his realization may stem from jealousy, sometimes it takes an outsider to see what you might not.

I have guy friends whom I've known for years that I'm sure see me more as a sister than anything else. It's amazing to know that I can always trust and feel safe with them. I know what a lot of you are thinking - 'yeah but if you tried to hook up with him he wouldn't hesitate.' Well you may be right, since no matter what, guys will always be guys, though I like to believe that there are some that would never be with me like that.

People, like exes, that you have sexual or romantic histories with: that's different. It doesn't matter if you really are over them: keeping any type of relationship with them is a valid reason for your partner to feel intimidated. It sounds contradictory, but since there was once attraction there is definitely the possibility that those feelings can come up again, especially with someone with whom you share chemistry.

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